ponty

The Journal of Marriage and The Family, published in the USA, says in the findings of its worldwide study that people in unconventional relationships are more prone to problems because they lack responsibility and are defiant of social norms. At best, ‘live in’ relationships are weak commitments, says the survey. Most often, the media is found to highlight such relationships among the celebrities from the entertainment and social whirl and media-addicted people, who are awed by the lifestyle of such people, want to emulate them to feel ‘stylish’ or ‘fashionable’ in their own lives.

We all know relationships are a gamble. Sometimes they work and sometimes they just don’t. But what does one do, when one of the biggest gamble one takes with their life goes terribly wrong? This is the story of Tara (name changed), and how her life changed for the worse after she moved in with her boyfriend.

“ I met Karan (name changed) during my final year of college. He used to go for computer classes, which was located in front of my college. We were introduced by a common friend and soon we started hanging out together. He was 3 years elder than me but we got along fabulously. Soon we became very close and it was no surprise to anyone when he asked me out and we started dating. Life was hectic and good fun those days. We would meet everyday and just talk, watch movies or just take long walks. He was perfect and I was crazy about him. Soon I graduated from college and took up a job in a fashion house. He was already working as an animator for an editing studio. After job started things became a little difficult for us. We couldn’t meet very often because I lived and worked at colaba and his office was at khar. Time was a major restraint. We did talk on the phone a lot but both of knew that it was not enough.

One day, over a cup of coffee, very calmly he suggested the idea of us living together. First I thought he was kidding and so didn’t take him seriously. But he started being persistent about it and the idea began to take shape in my head as well. According to him it would solve a lot of our problems. No time restraint or when to meet, how to meet etc. And of course, marriage was definitely on the cards sometime in the future. We were already dating for 3 years by then and marriage was the plunge we were planning to take ultimately. I didn’t take very long to get convinced. But there was a problem. Since his parents lived in Bangalore he didn’t have an issue with having to face them. I had to think of something to tell my parents. They knew about Karan but I knew their reaction if I told them that we were to live together. So to make things a little easier, I quit my previous job took up a new one at Andheri. My idea was that I will complain to my parents about the long distance of traveling everyday and thus convince them to let me move out. I did not want to hurt them so I told them that I am moving in with a girlfriend for a couple of months to see whether the job suits me or not. They reluctantly agreed. Now when I look back, I feel quite ashamed at what I did. It is a feeling mixed with humiliation because moving in with Karan was the biggest mistake of my life.

So after three months of planning we moved into a 2 bhk flat in andheri east. It was small flat but I didn’t mind. He took care of everything from finding the place, till the down payment of the rent. We had decided that we were going to split the rent and the bills since both of us made decent money. And we started living together.

But to my dismay things started changing only after four months. My desire to spend time with him went haywire because he started coming home really late, and mostly drunk. When I would question him he would say that he was out with his buddies. When on rare occasion he would be at home, we would spend the time sitting in front of the computer playing games or working on some design. Evenings he would go to the gym and at night leave to meet his friends. My work was taking up a lot of time as well so I didn’t pay much attention to it for a couple of months. I never got to know what caused the change of behavior. I suspected that he was having an affair, but I never asked him. Both of us would get home really late and just go to sleep without saying hello or goodnight to each other. But I did try from my end to make things better. I used to go home early to prepare his favorite meal, but the food usually remained untouched. When I would call him at his office someone would always say that he is in a meeting. I was seriously depressed and didn’t have an idea of what to do. I tried talking to him, but he always “shushed” me by saying that I was just being paranoid and everything is fine. But things didn’t end there. My parents had found out that I was living with my boyfriend and vowed never to speak with me again. I had disgraced them. So basically, I was lonely, confused and on the verge of killing myself.

And then came the final blow. We had opened a joint account to pay for our bills and every month I used to deposit a certain amount of money. One day when I checked the account, it was empty. Apparently Karan had forged my sign and taken out all the money for some purpose. I was furious. That same day the carpenter who made our furniture called and said that his money is due, which is around 28 k. I was furious. I did not go to work that day and waited for him at home. He came in at his usual late hour. When I questioned him he started hurling abuses at me. I was shocked. I did not know how to react. But my anger got the better of me and I slapped him hard across his face. He lost it after that. He picked up an ashtray and slammed it across my head. I went reeling to the ground. He grabbed my hair and started yelling, abusing and telling me that I have ruined his life and moving in with me was the biggest mistake of his life. And then he did something I couldn’t have imagined. He told me to pack my bags and leave. When I refused he told me that if I don’t leave on my own, he would drag me out of the house. And since all the papers and documents were signed by him, he could do that. I had no right over the house. I still don’t have words to describe what I felt at that moment. He is kicking me out of the house?? Why??

Well, my “why” didn’t have any answer then, because I found myself on the streets at 2.30am with nowhere to go. I couldn’t go to my parent’s house because it was too humiliating. Most of my friends were married so I couldn’t disturb them. So I checked myself into a hotel. I still couldn’t believe what had happened. It was Karan, the guy I loved for the last 4 years. It’s the same guy who hit me, called me a whore and threw me out of the house. I was in shock but still some part of me still had hope and I was expecting his call any minute to apologize. That call never came.

That was three years ago but I still can’t get over the incident. He never called to apologize or explain his behavior. Last I heard, he went back to Bangalore and now lives there. I apologized to my parents and told them what happened. They were angry but welcomed me back with open arms. I don’t know about him, but I was blinded in love and it hindered my judgment. I didn’t think it through the realities of living with a person and most importantly the financial aspect. My blind faith let me down. The incident has not only shaken my confidence, but also my belief in relationships and marriage. I don’t know about the future but from now onwards, I know better”.