To all the married people I know. I am sure you are really happy with your decision and really excited about spending your life with your chosen bakra. But if you already feel like hitting your head with a baseball bat repeatedly, then sigh! Read on and feel worse!
Recently, I met up with a couple friend of mine who have been dating for a year or so and just announced that they are engaged. ( Let me just tell you that they have broken up at least 200 times and to be honest, I didn’t take this news seriously because I was convinced that it is one of those ploys couple play to keep each other from running away)
And here is the best part. They chose to tell me this information last!
I was the last one to know about this act of their’s and boy, was there smoke coming out of my ears!
How dare they??????
I was the one listening to her when she would scream like the devil almost making me deaf and tell me how uncaring he is thus wanting to do voodoo on him.
I was the one who heard him sob and cry over drinks when he wailed like a baby about her and called her a blood sucking leech and thus should be squished.
If I were to charge them by the hour for the amount of hours I heard them whine, cry, sob and abuse each other, I could have bought myself the Birkin bag! (In bright orange, mind you)
And to imagine that I get this information LAST!!
I couldn’t imagine!!
So I walked into the restaurant and confronted them. Those ungrateful little @#$%^^&!!!!!!!!!
I think I managed to scare them enough because before I could say anything, just they blurted out in unison.
“We wanted to tell you…but since you are so cynical about marriage…we thought we will do it personally…and tell you that it is not a mistake and we are happy”.
And just to give it a dramatic ending to that ridiculous line, they gave me a Kodak “come frame our faces” smile.I was almost threw up the pizza I had for lunch.
First and foremost, I am NOT cynical about marriage. Yes, I do have my reservation about it, but not cynical. Oh just screw it! I am not trying to impress anybody!
Yes. I AM the biggest cynic about marriage. I also think that you have to be seriously demented or emotionally suicidal to go for it voluntarily. (There! I said it!)
But before you start chasing me with torches with the intention of setting me on fire, let me just tell you….I don’t care! I stand by my point.
But for the sake of world peace, Mother Teresa or the Rajasthan royals winning the IPL, (which ever you believe in) look around you and do a simple task. Look closely at the face of somebody whom you know is married. But avoid the people who are “just married”. They will think that I am the devils messenger anyway and most probably they will pelt you with stones too. Go for the faces which are condemned for a year or more. Tired, haggard and a look of genuine apathy floats on their faces. It’s like they have made the decision to bungee jump because it is thrilling and exciting initially, but then as they continued they realized that their eyes are popping out and gravity loves them more than they thought. Welcome to joyride!
Bah!
Divorce rates are skyrocketing thus making divorce lawyers very rich. Extra marital affairs are as common as 2 min noodles. People rather spend long and useless hours at work rather than going home and spending some time with the “love of their life”. Everyone wants their “space”. And my morning yoga just don’t sync in if I don’t read front page news about a man chopping his wife into 2 million pieces because of some vague reason like not enough salt in the dal.
I just love myself too much to put myself through all this self-imposed misery. To all those people who will throw the lines like “grow old with somebody” “somebody to love” and “somebody back at home waiting me for” kind of corny stuff, let me just tell you something -
- You will grow old anyway
- If you want somebody to love, consider joining Osho ashram (Yes, it is a different kind of love they propagate, but there is no harm trying!)
- It won’t be too much fun if the “somebody waiting for you at home” is busy playing video games or is making love to the TV via the remote
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