meenakshi

Whether you are from Gen X, Gen Y or the 1960s, I am reasonably sure that most of us, at some point when we were growing up, felt that our parents did not understand us at all and were stuck in time.

I think a very important factor in parent-child relationship is being able to relate to each other – that is, having a relationship where you are able to understand and be understood. Here are some thoughts on reaching the golden median with your parents:

Make the effort: However old-fashioned and out-of-touch your parents seem to you, make the effort to reach out to them. Spend the time and energy to connect with them on an ongoing basis.

Set expectations: Especially if you think that your public persona is way different from how you behave in front of them. For instance, your parents don’t believe in dating. Doing it behind their back and then expecting them to suddenly embrace the person of your dreams when you decide to tell them is unrealistic. A better strategy would be to talk to them over a period of time (yes, this requires a lot of patience) convince them that things have changed, that you want to choose your own partner and that you will make responsible choices.

Behave responsibly: Be honest with your parents and follow through with responsible behaviour. Keep them in the loop and they will be more willing to listen to you if they trust you to make reasonable choices. Choose smart decision making over not-so-smart impulsive behaviour.

Avoid resentment: It is important to understand that no parent is perfect and that they have made their share of mistakes. Harbouring feelings of resentment and anger against them is not the way to go to build bridges. Parenting is a tough job and it is important to realize that most parents do try to do what is best for their kids.

“What do they know” attitude: Loose the attitude and respect your parent’s opinions, even if you do not agree with them. Listen carefully to what they say, even if it sounds ridiculous to you. Often, you may be surprised that when you peel away all the layers, you will find something at the core that makes a lot of sense and looks out for your best interests.

Be willing to compromise: Just like in any other relationship.

meenakshi

An acquaintance of mine, an elderly lady, feels very strongly that love is blind and that most people enter into relationships without a rational thought in their head. She vouches for her strong feelings by pointing out the example of her son, seemingly intelligent, who chose to marry a woman with a controlling, possessive personality who has damaged everything in his life from his career to his relationships with his friends and family. And this despite having witnessed obvious incidents and had numerous clues that should have provided him with enough insight into what to expect in the future.

There is certainly something about love that makes grown men and women wear rose-tinted glasses and throw logic out of the window. How do you make smart relationship decisions and avoid mistakes and heartache? Here are some tips and tools you can apply:

Hindsight is 20/20: When one relationship ends, try to learn something from it. Why did it not work out? Do you have a pattern of entering into relationships with people with a particular kind of behaviour or habits? If yes, identify the pattern and look out for warning signs in your future relationships. Spend some time thinking about it. Recognize your blind spots and look behind to spot them. Learn from your past and avoid making the same mistakes again.

He/she has changed: If I could get a nickel for every time I have heard this! The only thing you can change in a relationship is whether you want to be in it or not. Don’t enter relationships hoping that the other person will understand their mistakes or what is unacceptable to you, rearrange their priorities and values and make a change. It mostly will not happen and you will be left holding your disappointment and hurt.

He/she needs me: Please – pick on someone your own size. Really. Work on your self-esteem. Emotional blackmail is certainly not the answer.

Sounding-board: What do your closest friends and family think about that person? Do they seem to like this person’s company or are they forever giving you talks on why you should end the relationship? Do you find yourself defending that person or their actions a little too often? Pay attention to what they are saying – they maybe more objective than you and have your best interests at heart. Analyze how you react to their opinions – are you defending unacceptable behaviour and actions, vouching for the fact that the person has changed or telling your friends to mind their own business. All three responses are danger signs you are heading in the wrong direction.

sumfinn

Making chocolate is hard, exquisite dark Belgian chocolate truffle infused with wine, even harder. In the last few days I tried to perfect the art of making liquor chocolates, but I realized it’s a matter of great insight.

The filling has to be juicy enough, the chocolate melted at the right temperature and the ratio of ingredients just right. One small mistake and the whole batch goes to the dog. Dirty talk I figured is quite the same – the words have to be titillating enough, the ratio of sleaze to lovey-dovey just right and it can become a lethal weapon for seduction – just like chocolate.

Now the question is do you use chocolate for seduction or dirty talk? Well fine chocolate is a superb aphrodisiac, some say it’s even better than sex - luscious to look at, smooth on the lips, warm in your mouth and gives you a high! Dirty talk is such a turn-on for people that they can’t reach an orgasm without it. Why? Because 80% of all the sex that happens is between your two ears – it’s all in the head.

If you say, “Ooh…I love it when you do that” or “Wow! That was amazing” it actually makes you feel hornier and more satisfied. Go ahead and try it.

A situation where dirty talk comes handy is when your partner is not sufficiently turned on or takes a long time, just whisper slowly into his or her ear something like “I want you really bad…” and then a passionate kiss…then two more sentences and watch the heat rise.

Jonathan, a restaurant manager, proudly says, “Whenever my girlfriend is not in the mood, I use dirty talk by the bucket loads and she’s hot and ready for action in no time. Obviously my skill at dirty-talking almost makes me a god in bed!”

If given a choice between watching a cookery show on television on how to make chocolate and biting into a sinful gooey piece, what would you do? It’s the same with dirty talk, don’t give a live commentary of what’s happening between both of you, just add to the heat of the moment by asking for what you want and expressing how you feel. Don’t let the talk overtake the love.

“My attempts at dirty-talking made me conscious in the beginning and I only concentrated on giving pleasure to my partner, but the minute I let go and the words flow I was turned on by own my dirty-talking itself. It’s so raw and makes you feel unshackled and liberated.” gushed Daara Irani, a 38 year-old boutique owner.

Learning to make chocolate enhances your senses and allows you to appreciate the finer nuances of pleasure. For example, in a chocolate tasting session you understand the difference between praline chocolate, butterscotch filling and caramel. Make your loving the ultimate sensorial experience – use different words and expand your vocabulary. Don’t get poetic, just get expressive – “Mmm…this chocolate just melts in my mouth…aaah..it feels so smooth on my tongue. The scent of cocoa and vanilla is driving me crazy!…” Now apply that to love-making and the act of describing itself heightens your senses.

The next rule with chocolate making and dirty talk is - Experiment. Don’t just stick to plain ole dark chocolate, try hazel nut with cocoa cream, bitter chocolate with kahlua… In short, get exotic. While dirty talking you explore different words and different languages too. Say “You’re steaming hot!” in Spanish or “Come here my loverboy!” in French in a naughty tone and get set for a passionate and maybe even excitingly mysterious night.

Raina Rao, a PR executive says, “Me and my boyfriend have done a lot of dirty talk and I think it just makes you feel so hot! Obviously we haven’t tried dirty talk on the phone, but on chat maybe, especially when we are making plans for a holiday, anticipating all that action gets us into dirty talk and the mood!”

Now how about mixing chocolate and dirty talk!? Oh, be prepared for some head-board-busting action! You can try the oft-repeated suggestion - melting chocolate and spreading it all over your body and getting your partner to lick it off. You could also be creative and use a brush to spread the liquid chocolate in a specific design – almost like a chocolate tattoo.

Something more spontaneous would be to bring out a piece of melted chocolate before anything begins, give it to your partner and ask him/her to lick off the rest of the melted chocolate off your fingers….take the lead from there, move into foreplay and get adventurous with chocolate all over each other’s bodies.

Things to remember before you start:

• Ask your partner what he / she thinks about dirty talk and whether they have any objections, especially to explicit words.
• It may be your first night after marriage or your first private time together, so remember communication is the key. At this time any talk is good talk!
• Dirty talk is not ‘dirty’ or bad, it’s just a fun way to add to the excitement.
• Don’t use clinical terms for describing parts of the anatomy, it’s a turn off. Never bring up touchy issues, eg. your partner’s weight.
• Fantasizing about an actor or actress you like and constantly comparing your partner to them during dirty talk is unfair.
• You can try role-playing only by changing the tone of your voice, no need of elaborate costumes! Raunchy and commanding, soft whispers and moans – choose your style.
• Keep your inhibitions aside and go with the flow. Don’t try to coin new words and let your mind come in the way of great sex.
• And lastly, ask your partner how it felt.

So go ahead and find out where your partner’s sweet spot lies and get ready for some mind-blowing sex with chocolate and dirty talk!

And wait a minute, don’t forget to post your juicy crumbs here about what you think or are going to do!