Some common symptoms that you are as tongue tied in front of you in-laws as a wet rabbit infront of a wild boar:
- You start stuttering and stammering and discover than you can actually speak Peruvian!
- You agree with whatever they say. (Even if that means that your house is too small and their daughter deserves a place to stay)
- You watch saas bahu serials with them because they say it’s “educational”.
- You don’t even let a squeak out when they shove enormous amount of greasy and bland food down your throat!
Fear not! You are not alone my friend!
You are just a part of the every growing clan called:
I rather crawl into a hole and die in fetal position, than to face my in-laws.
Okay, I agree! Some in-laws are total terror to deal with, but brace it guys and girls, it is your fault too! Okay, before you start hyperventilating, hear me out!
Phew!
Now….
There is just life altering word that you need to know before you realize that, the situation isn’t that bad. So brace yourself….here it comes…DIPLOPMACY.
There…I said it!
Usually, before tying the knot, a girl and guy can throw their weight around their parents cry and scream if she/he doesn’t like something, hold their breath till they turn blue, and voila..! All their demands will be met!
But the story is a little different after marriage, isn’t it? Your mother in-law might like that ugly pair of shoes that looks like a reject by a drag queen. Or your father in-law picked up a shiny new shirt for you, which makes you look like Neil Diamond.
So what do you do? Tell them honestly?
NO!
Unless you want to be tagged as “Unappreciative”, “Difficult” or the classic one…”Why did I get my son/ daughter get married to this ungrateful little snip”.
Ouch!
So at the end of the day, the question is what should you do? Since you are reading this article, I am sure that diplomacy isn’t one of greatest skills. So read on…because its time you acquire that crucial trait.
Here are some tips that you should follow:
Ø If you go shopping and she/he picks up something that you hate, don’t tell her directly on the face. Instead tell them that you think it looks good, but also provide them with more options and things that you think will look better. To make your case stronger, get the opinion of other people as well. For example, the sales woman.( Maybe bribe her from before)
Ø Convince her that it was their idea in the first place. Your in-laws might not like what you think, but if you make them believe that the idea was theirs in the first place, they will definitely swoon. For example, “Remember dad, you always wanted a corduroy suit? Why don’t you get that one instead?
Ø Use your smile. And by that I don’t mean in creepy way. Say what you think with a smile on your face. There are two reasons behind that. Firstly, an opinion with a smile will make less threatening and that way you will have more chances of getting your way. So next time, use the potent power of your smile.
Ø Keep giving subtle hints about what you like, hate, what you think is good or bad. Remember, the key word hers is subtle. Don’t go on announcing to the whole world but make sure it reaches the ears of the concerned person. For example, “I have there is a new cooking class which teaches all the gourmet meals. I have heard that they are great…..”
Now these are just some of the tips, but remember to rely on your wit and brain to get yourself out of a tricky situation. Yes, you do have some, I am sure! But at the end of the day, if you think the situation is getting out of control, don’t be afraid to speak your mind. Whats the worst that can happen?
If nothing else, they will respect you for your honesty and not take you as a pretty mannequin.
Yes ladies, we all want the perfect man. We all want our prince charming on his shiny bright, white limousine and we all want to keep him. Next to wherever we want him.
But everything requires tact and yes, resolution. But before you start rolling your eyes, I must explain that this isn’t primarily about finding Mr. Right or finding his second car for that matter.
It’s about keeping Mr. Right and making it work. I know, all relationships are different and then obviously require different kinds of ways, you know, to make them work! But some rules never change. The basic, fundamental rules are the elementary ones for all relationships and unfortunately the ones we tend to overlook most of the time! But no time to mope ladies! Here are my 5 cardinal rules for the relationship of your dreams unless you’re dating a cat or, your hand. They’re both really difficult to comprehend and generally to understand, you see!
So…
1- Never ever let him know of how much you dislike his folks. Elementary ladies, they might be from hell but they’re still his family and if you like this man enough to actually want his family to be a part of yours, be nice!
2- Listen to him. Yes, we know men should be told this but women tend to be really inattentive at times as well so listen to him. Thoughtfulness pays, and how!
3- Mention your ex’s once in a while. That reminds him that you have a past and expect a future; even if you don’t badger him about him constantly. And also that your life doesn’t revolve around him. (pay extra attention, if it actually does)
4- K.I.S.S. Keep It Simple Stupid! Okay, okay, that was lame but you get my drift right? Men are uncomplicated creatures and admit it; they help uncomplicate us at times. So, relax, and take it easy! We all deserve sanity don’t we?
5- Most importantly, always know what you both expect out of your relationship unless it’s a super exclusive case where it’s the sanest to keep it dangling for the moment. Talk, communicate and let each other know!
So, there, you have my rules of wisdom! Of course, irrespective of what everyone says, some things only you would know answers to. But remember, honesty, respect and communication. The HRC trio never fails unless again you’re dating a cat or your own hand in which case you really should get out more often! So, then, read the next article about socializing in the city, why don’t you?
Peace! The ultimate bliss every individual on earth is seeking & starving for, the word that unites the world evolving into a happy & holy place to live in. However, where do we get peace? Today, we wander from place to place in the pursuit of peace. Do peace really exist or just a mere word in the lexicon. Why do we pledge for peace? Ripple of thoughts flow when you magnify the world through the eyes of hope.
Lust, greed, pride, anger, attachment are so synonymous with human being. The physical form is entrapped by the vices that have ruled our mind & soul. What about love? It exists in the hearts but has metamorphosed with time; the love that dwells is the materialistic one. We are more mechanical & technical in life yet fail to get peace. The primary reason is time. No time for our family & friends. Are we so occupied and only respite is on national holidays. Don’t you think we have spun a web of complexities out of nothing? The beautiful thought flashes in my mind “If you cannot change time, it is time to change”.
Man’s mind has become vagrant & wild and the heinous deeds of mankind are reaping hyper tension, hatred & death. The debatable issues like the nuclear deal, global warming, Tibet trauma, bomb blast, the racial race & child molestation has grave emotional stress to all. Deals done, treaties signed yet the memorandum of understanding doesn’t guarantee peace. After all, peace can’t be purchased. An analysis of the problem proves that it all stems from man’s mind. Mind- the deadliest weapon of world and mind you, unemployment that leads to student unrest has its own heavy toll. As the saying goes “Empty mind is the devils workshop”.
The root of all evils that causes sorrow & sufferings springs from human mind. One must realize that peace is rooted in the mind in the form of thoughts which are manifested into actions. Self realization and self purification is required not just chanting mantras. There is PEACE IN WORLD when there is PEACE IN I. I am not my name. I am not what my profession is. So Who am I? The simplest question that brings positive thoughts and righteous actions must be answered. “As I walked by myself, I talked by myself and myself replied to me and the questions myself, then put to myself with their answers I give to thee”.
Om Shanti.
Well folks, it’s not about some talk show or speed dating but observation in a cafeteria while sipping coffee and leisurely reading the daily paper. A regular to the coffee café, every morning I used to drop in and grab the daily dose of drink. As I enjoyed my Cappuccino, my eyes watched people near by and ears trapped the chit chat. It was tons of fun.
Good morning kiss and a hug was a common way to start a conversation among young. Aunties scored good grade over daily house chore talks whilst uncles discussed about the men in blue. Miss mobile’s, kept blabbering on cell and yes you do get to discover workaholics, who opens up their notebook and God knows what they keep tabbing. Right from love to lust, money to movies, you get to listen all.
As usual I entered, but this time my eyes got attracted to a bunch of boys who were very animated and well dressed too, so sat just next to them. As I did, could hear nothing. They were dumb and deaf yet so alive and kicking. Amazed at the art, it was like a dance form. The graceful moments of their hands and the expressive eyes were in tandem with their thoughts, clearly expressed. They joked, debated and enjoyed. They were talking about a guy from the group itself and his failed promises; in return he was supporting himself giving reasons which ended in a joke for all. It was a simple discussions but different.
The art of conversation they had was unique…. it was silent but meaningful. Their facial expression, hand gestures and body postures communicated messages effectively. Many times our words fail to express but a right gesture explains it all, For example smiling is a powerful cue that transmits happiness, friendliness & warmth. The conversation elucidated the importance of non verbal communication. When both verbal and non verbal forms of communications are used properly, the conversation is more meaningful & clear.
In a cafeteria, coffee mug is in my hand and my eyes on you. I just love good coffee and great conversation.
Om shanti om!
Been watching you watching me
You can do better for a woman as sharp as me
Come up with something cleverer than just a smile!
Your corny lines
I’ll be cutting you with my come-backs
Put in some work or else
The girls will be spreading the word ‘bout you
We girls like to talk
Yeah we talk shoes, boobs and blues
And you’re thinking we talk about you!
Last call and then I’m stepping out
So are you going to come through?
You want a look? You gotta earn your pass dude
So, think you’re game?
Psst…Give it to me while it’s hot…its chilling here in my Jimmy Choos.
I lost a very near and dear one to cancer recently. Coping with death is tough, no matter how much you know that it is coming, when it does come, it hits you like a whirlwind. As one of my dearest friends said, the only definite thing in life is death. May sound morbid – but I think that the person I lost kept that in mind and dealt with her life and the cancer very gracefully. Never one to complain, she took everything in her stride. Clear-cut and organized, she dispensed instructions on everything from her funeral to what she wanted to do with her possessions. She was certainly not in denial but at the same time, she made the most of her life and cherished it.
Here are some things I learnt from this experience.
Being around: The best thing family and friends can do in this situation is be available. If circumstances allow you be by the side of a loved one, do so by all means. Bonding, sharing memories and at the same time doing what you can to alleviate pain is a powerful experience. But do understand that it is emotionally exhaustive and take time out while doing the care-giving to talk to a friend, recuperate and recover.
Find a good doctor you can trust: Probably the most important tip. A empathetic doctor who understands the situation and deals with it effectively, is able to be firm when required and understanding during difficult times. We were lucky enough to have the right doctor.
Do not offer false hopes or quack medicine: Coupled with the obvious agony of watching someone you cherish die slowly, the situation can get aggravated by solicitous well-wishers offering their input on everything that would “definitely” cure the disease. Even normal and intelligent people when confronted with serious life-threatening situations may grasp at non-existent straws. Mind you, I see nothing wrong with optimism and hope but I do draw the line at quacks and false comfort. In case of a terminal illness, it is important to remember that most other therapies will offer relief and palliative care. Dietary restrictions or excessive intake of a particular food item is not going to do change the situation dramatically.
Hold the unnecessary advice: Have you seen the Reliance mobile phone ad? That’s what it feels like when visitors offer bucket loads of unnecessary advice. Of course, if you feel that something can undoubtedly be of help to that person, do suggest it gently to a family member. But do not be aggressive and overly loquacious about it.
Help out: Daily chores are where others can help. Whether it is cooking meals, offering a ride or doing the grocery shopping, practical help will go a long way in helping out a family that is coping with terminal illness.
Allow yourself to grieve: Whether you want to take the time out to cry on someone’s shoulder or be by yourself or share memories with your friends, do take the time out to grieve. Understand that it may take time, but do make the effort to get back to your usual activities and routine.
This Orkut thing, this whole online social networking thing, leaves me a little confused, a little bemused, a little disappointed and a little smile!
On a rainy Saturday afternoon, with nothing much to do, with nowhere to be at, I take to my online buddies for time-pass. A little browsing through friends’ lists of friends, lets me reach, leap by leap to that very old classmate and good friend, from 15 years back! The last time we were in touch was in the times of the snail-mail and landlines… I let out a wow, am thrilled to discover her again, and dig into her profile, going through her friends’ list, going through her profile details, the pictures in her album, and then, a little shamelessly, into her scrap book.
Very soon I must know all about her, what does she do now, how does she sound, who does she hang around with, is she married, what career has she finally landed herself in, so many questions… I dig furiously through her scrapbook. Err… I seem to be shameless enough to repeatedly admit that even! But there isn’t much there, just regular conversation and exchanges of good wishes and hellos and trivial comments… But my questions prod me.
Before I even realise what am doing, I have given her a friend request and left her a scrap in her scrapbook… “Heyyyyy!!! Really really long time… what’s up with you….” I type in, excitedly. I almost clap, she will be neatly surprised, wont she? With that, and my lazy afternoon ruffled by real enthusiasm at having come across an old friend on this cyberscape, I logout, but not without hoping that she replies real soon.
It is only after I logout and I calm down that I ask myself, so what now? Are we going to be good pals once again, despite the length of time that separates the girls we are today from the ones we were the last time we were in touch? Surely she has changed as much as I have, come on, my hopes, my ambitions, my ideas, everything has so changed. Ok, so if we don’t click, big deal… I tell myself… But I know, deep down am hoping we reconnect and get back to a relationship like old times, yeah, foolish no doubt!
Lets quickly fast forward a week later, equal enthusiasm and cheer greeted me as she accepted my friend request(speaking in orkut terms!), we have exchanged updates. She now does this and is staying there and everyone in her family doing good, but her dog died, and stuff like that, you know… She too hears my end of, I now do this in life and stay there and yes mom and dad are doing great, and oh so sad your Bruno died! Then comes the little bomb, we exchange contact numbers!
I sit staring at her number, should I call…? What do I say? What do we talk about? Now, one thing I must tell you, general conversations come very easily to me, and I can talk to most people the first few times I meet them, Oh you think I ought to be more modest about it. Ok, fine we wont talk about it…! Anyways, so am left wondering what to do now… the thing is, this is not just a general conversation. Once upon a time we knew each other’s crushes and heartbreaks and dreams and stuff like that. How does one start off after having stopped with a full stop? A new paragraph perhaps?
After dilly-dallying a good deal, I dial her number, slowly, like someone just put my life in slow motion. The phone rings at the other end… once, twice… five times and then well, I hang up! I leave her a little note saying, ‘Hey, been trying to reach you, give me a call at my number when you are free..’ Huh! the ball’s now in her court, I smile!
Lets again fast forward another week later, there were missed calls from her, I was busy at work, genuinely, I swear!  There were few more missed calls from me… But now I’ve got it, neither of us are that enthu-ed to get back, or perhaps we donot know if we should, or if we can, or how to! Thats where it is… disappointing that its happening like this, amusing that both of us are going through the same thing, confusing as to what to do now! But off course to know that she is there once again in my list of contacts, and that I can talk to her anytime I want, does leave me with a smile….:)
Well, that’s one of my stories of getting back with old friends, via the Orkut route, what’s yours like?
The past week was simply awesome for me. I finally reconnected with so many of my school & college friends, thanks to sites like Orkut and Facebook. But all this talk on how risky networking sites have become has made me a wee bit cautious. It can get really messy out there, if one gives out too much information than required.
Orkut has been in the news lately for the wrong reasons. Having signed in there just recently myself I did find it less than satisfactory in terms of privacy. For starters, just about ANYONE can access the profile page and see photos. Obviously, only if one permits a random person to communicate with him/her then it’s quite possible to run into a bit of trouble. What I really dislike in Orkut is that it’s just been a week since I registered and I’ve already had 6 requests from absolute strangers to add them as friends.
On the other hand, Facebook is big on privacy. One can tweak the security and privacy settings to his/her comfort level and be assured that there will be a minimal of the annoying, ‘Can you be my frend?’ requests! Also Facebook has been an even more fun site because of all its cool and whacky features. However, I still feel like one should exercise as much as caution as possible coz at the end of the day, you just never know!
Other social networking sites
LinkedIn, bigadda, Fropper, Jhoom!, Minglebox, the list goes on & on. Time for the bubble to burst??!!
Had a weird experience on networking sites? Write in…
Ten years ago, I left for the US to do my masters - with no cheap way of keeping in touch with family. Having just about got an email address and with the new computer at home being some DOS type thing where no pictures came up, the vsnl internet connection had speeds that rivalled Rip Van Winkle’s aging process. Dad’s email address was soooo long – ending in bgl.vsnl.net.in. Really!!! Calling cards from the US charged 53 cents a minute to India and that was considered a good deal and calling from India to the US was Rs.60 a minute. Seriously!
Now one of my dearest and nearest has left for sunny California to do his MS. And I am amazed at how easy it is to keep in touch. Skype, Gtalk, what have you! And calling cards from Reliance and Big Zoo that cost 15 cents a minute. And it is so cheap for me to call as well. In addition, you can add gtalk to your blackberry and be online all times of the day. So all he has to do is ping and I am there with the answers. Amazing!!!!
Being in a city, it really is quite easy to bridge the distance. And at the end of the day that’s what matters – keeping in touch with your loved ones and being part of their lives and transformations. Bidding adieu just got so much easier!
Love is big entertainment, as long as you are only a first-row spectator, or so they say. That is a fact, the romantic indulgences of one’s close friends does to tickle one into much laughter and amusement. It is hilarious to spot a friend practise his proposal speech, it is amusing to watch a friend hit hard as he realises the girl he has been getting all-heart-throb-by about is someone else’s long-time girlfriend. It is fun watching crushes getting crushed and entertaining and interesting to get friends to fall out of big-time infatuations. One can watch on with that half-smile as one’s best friend gets all sweaty and murmur-y and stammer-y trying to ask his object of interest out for coffee. Basically, romance is undiluted fun from the outskirts, isn’t it?
Well, it is, until one gets strangely involved. Oh no, no, am not going to talk about ‘developing feelings’ for the best friend’s love. This isn’t all that deep and messy, this is subtle and more uncomfortable. This is a situation many of us have been through, held our heads, clutched our hair and wondered how the hell did we get sucked into this, and why any of this should affect us. The situation am going to talk about is when one’s best friends start going around, and then, ouch(!), they break up. Disaster!
Disaster because you lose not one, but two of your best friends at the same time. Even if you don’t lose them as such, things start to get uncomfortable when the three of you have to get together for anything. All of a sudden you can only have one of the two at a time with you. Since this is such a filmy topic, lets use a filmy example, your two best friends, Rahul and Puja, who used to date, do not do so anymore. They had the regular break up thing. But, God knows how, you have managed to not only get into the equation, but also be affected strongly by this breakup.
No more coffee time ganging up with Rahul and Puja, no more trekking around with Rahul and Puja, no more dinners out with Rahul and Puja, no more movie outing, no more group-studies, no more assignment partners, no more hanging around, with Rahul and Puja breaking up. No more ganging up with Rahul to pull Puja’s legs, no more of those mock-girls-bashing-guys debates with Puja against Rahul, no more driveaways with the best friends, no more ice-cream outings with Rahul and Puja. Suddenly, its all over for you too. How sad!
What? Thats never happened to you? You mean you’ve never lost your social life all of a sudden, one fine day, when your best friends broke up? What do I say? You are lucky as hell! Because, what follows this is awfully painful for the close-range spectator. Suddenly you have to become aware of talking nice things or anything nice that has happened to Rahul, if you are with Puja. You have to nod your head, or atleast maintain stupid silence when Rahul goes on about what a bitch Puja has been. Puja might reveal ugly secrets about Rahul, which you never wanted to know ever. Rahul might sob on your shoulders, no matter how badly you hate being used as the shoulder to cry on, after a break up.
Sometimes its worse, Puja has not taken the break up so well, she goes into depression. She wants to be ‘left alone’. No she can’t even go out with you anymore, she can’t go even shopping with you anymore, somehow, you remind her of the days with Rahul. Gosh, you sigh, what a mess! Why must I lose Puja’s company, you wail. Rahul goes the ugly way too, he chooses to intentionally hang around with other babes before you, so that you can go convey the ‘moved on’ message to Puja. Ugly, ugly…
After having gone through trying situations like the one above, here’s a solution I have come up with, for my own self. So that I may avoid missing my best friends after they break up. And I thought I’d share it with you The moment two of my friends pair up these days, I quickly see to it that I work-out and develop a backup social life, or a back up group of buddies to hang around with. Simply because I donot want to be ‘left alone’ or ‘move on’ or get into messy situations with either of the two best friends breaking up!
PS: To my friends who are going around, do you see how much I need you guys to not be breaking up!?
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