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May 7th, 2007

Making chocolate is hard, exquisite dark Belgian chocolate truffle infused with wine, even harder. In the last few days I tried to perfect the art of making liquor chocolates, but I realized it’s a matter of great insight.

The filling has to be juicy enough, the chocolate melted at the right temperature and the ratio of ingredients just right. One small mistake and the whole batch goes to the dog. Dirty talk I figured is quite the same – the words have to be titillating enough, the ratio of sleaze to lovey-dovey just right and it can become a lethal weapon for seduction – just like chocolate.

Now the question is do you use chocolate for seduction or dirty talk? Well fine chocolate is a superb aphrodisiac, some say it’s even better than sex - luscious to look at, smooth on the lips, warm in your mouth and gives you a high! Dirty talk is such a turn-on for people that they can’t reach an orgasm without it. Why? Because 80% of all the sex that happens is between your two ears – it’s all in the head.

If you say, “Ooh…I love it when you do that” or “Wow! That was amazing” it actually makes you feel hornier and more satisfied. Go ahead and try it.

A situation where dirty talk comes handy is when your partner is not sufficiently turned on or takes a long time, just whisper slowly into his or her ear something like “I want you really bad…” and then a passionate kiss…then two more sentences and watch the heat rise.

Jonathan, a restaurant manager, proudly says, “Whenever my girlfriend is not in the mood, I use dirty talk by the bucket loads and she’s hot and ready for action in no time. Obviously my skill at dirty-talking almost makes me a god in bed!”

If given a choice between watching a cookery show on television on how to make chocolate and biting into a sinful gooey piece, what would you do? It’s the same with dirty talk, don’t give a live commentary of what’s happening between both of you, just add to the heat of the moment by asking for what you want and expressing how you feel. Don’t let the talk overtake the love.

“My attempts at dirty-talking made me conscious in the beginning and I only concentrated on giving pleasure to my partner, but the minute I let go and the words flow I was turned on by own my dirty-talking itself. It’s so raw and makes you feel unshackled and liberated.” gushed Daara Irani, a 38 year-old boutique owner.

Learning to make chocolate enhances your senses and allows you to appreciate the finer nuances of pleasure. For example, in a chocolate tasting session you understand the difference between praline chocolate, butterscotch filling and caramel. Make your loving the ultimate sensorial experience – use different words and expand your vocabulary. Don’t get poetic, just get expressive – “Mmm…this chocolate just melts in my mouth…aaah..it feels so smooth on my tongue. The scent of cocoa and vanilla is driving me crazy!…” Now apply that to love-making and the act of describing itself heightens your senses.

The next rule with chocolate making and dirty talk is - Experiment. Don’t just stick to plain ole dark chocolate, try hazel nut with cocoa cream, bitter chocolate with kahlua… In short, get exotic. While dirty talking you explore different words and different languages too. Say “You’re steaming hot!” in Spanish or “Come here my loverboy!” in French in a naughty tone and get set for a passionate and maybe even excitingly mysterious night.

Raina Rao, a PR executive says, “Me and my boyfriend have done a lot of dirty talk and I think it just makes you feel so hot! Obviously we haven’t tried dirty talk on the phone, but on chat maybe, especially when we are making plans for a holiday, anticipating all that action gets us into dirty talk and the mood!”

Now how about mixing chocolate and dirty talk!? Oh, be prepared for some head-board-busting action! You can try the oft-repeated suggestion - melting chocolate and spreading it all over your body and getting your partner to lick it off. You could also be creative and use a brush to spread the liquid chocolate in a specific design – almost like a chocolate tattoo.

Something more spontaneous would be to bring out a piece of melted chocolate before anything begins, give it to your partner and ask him/her to lick off the rest of the melted chocolate off your fingers….take the lead from there, move into foreplay and get adventurous with chocolate all over each other’s bodies.

Things to remember before you start:

  • Ask your partner what he / she thinks about dirty talk and whether they have any objections, especially to explicit words.
  • It may be your first night after marriage or your first private time together, so remember communication is the key. At this time any talk is good talk!
  • Dirty talk is not ‘dirty’ or bad, it’s just a fun way to add to the excitement.
  • Don’t use clinical terms for describing parts of the anatomy, it’s a turn off. Never bring up touchy issues, eg. your partner’s weight.
  • Fantasizing about an actor or actress you like and constantly comparing your partner to them during dirty talk is unfair.
  • You can try role-playing only by changing the tone of your voice, no need of elaborate costumes! Raunchy and commanding, soft whispers and moans – choose your style.
  • Keep your inhibitions aside and go with the flow. Don’t try to coin new words and let your mind come in the way of great sex.
  • And lastly, ask your partner how it felt.

So go ahead and find out where your partner’s sweet spot lies and get ready for some mind-blowing sex with chocolate and dirty talk!

And wait a minute, don’t forget to post your juicy crumbs here about what you think or are going to do!

7 Crumbs for this post
gauravjain says:

dirty talk reminds of a Seinfeld episode which doesn’t turn out too well for him

Sumfinn says:

ha ha…where Jerry crosses the line and says a few wrong things! Some guys just dont get it!

Special mention to the ‘cool dudes’ - Do not use humour unless you want to get whacked in the face.

gauravjain says:

yup, he introduces the girls grandmother….

Neeta says:

Fantastic piece. I am happy someone is demystifying the art of verbal seduction. Gone are the days when “sweet nothings” could turn on the opposite (or same?) sex. The days now call for a dash of the raunchy, and ain’t nothing wrong with it! One thing I have personally noticed - talking dirty in Hindi just does not do it for me. It has to be English. I like the “f” word being used in particular…hee hee! :) Be careful, people. There is certainly a line to be drawn here, but as long as both partners know what that line is, dirty talk is a win-win.

xmaxx says:

this was a very grown up piece, and very well written. kudos

ally says:

great piece. i’ve always been a fan of dirty talk. it took me a while to become one though until i read an article that said if you practice talking while masturbating it’ll help break the ice and it does! i never realized how silent i was when i was flying solo. now the ice is broken. love the metaphor too.

Ruth says:

Hey thanks Ally! Great to know you’ve overcome the barrier! Some more metaphors coming up soon to keep everyone entertained!

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